High Times
by Kal Lenin
Summary: Tai, Tai, Tai, what will we do with you? Another one of Tai's wacky mini-adventures of real life. What will he get into this time? How will Kari deal with him? Will he ever learn?


High Times

Tai looked at the strange package that someone had sent him.Shaking it slightly, he felt a heavy weight clunk back and forth.It seemed a little suspicious, though, as there was no label saying where it came from.For a few moments, he pondered whether or not to open it.

"Whatcha got there, Tai?" Agumon asked, jumping down from Tai's bed.

"Oh, just some weird package," he said.

"Well?Are you going to open it?"

Tai was about to protest, be held his tongue.There really was no reason not to. Shrugging, he began to cut the tape.When he finally got the package open, he reached inside and withdrew a letter.Unfolding it, he read it out loud:

"Leaves of grass, alas.Hope you enjoy."

Looking inside the package, Tai withdrew a bag that was stuffed with leaves and buds of some exotic plant.He groaned."What am I supposed to do with this?"

Kari banged the door leading into Tai's room again."Keep it down!"There was a strange amount of racket coming from his room.It was bad enough when he was alone, but it really started to escalate when others started to come.First it was Matt and Gabumon, then T.K. and Patomon.Soon, the whole gang had pretty much crowded into Tai's room.That is, the whole gang except Mimi.She was on another vacation.

Kari returned to the kitchen and sighed.She had been trying to get some homework done when Tai so rudely interrupted her with his ruckus.As she read the math problems to herself, she could hear Tai and the others talking to each other, though she could not distinguish the words.Exasperated, she rose and crept up to the door.She was determined to find out what was going on.Pressing her ear close, she strained to listen.

The voices came muffled through the door.

"Uh, Tai?" a voice nervously called.It was Agumon.

"Yeah?" Tai responded.

"My claws…you know, there so…so _big_."

A pause.

"Whoah, you're right," Tai drawled.

"Hey, hey.You know, the other day, I saw someone get slapped on T.V."That was Matt's voice.

A series of chuckles."Cool," Tai said.

"Yaaahhh."The distinct scream of Joe, though somewhat subdued."I can see the inside of my eyes."

"Hey Biyomon," Sora called."I can fly too!"

"Sora!" Biyomon shouted."Wait for me!"

A pause.

"Oh man, I haven't felt this good in a long time," Tai said.

"Oh yes," Matt replied in a slick-back tone of voice.

""Hey, you know," Izzy began, "I think we've been hit by Dopemon's Herbal Essence attack."

"And we know what kind of herbs those are," Tai said.

"Oh yes," Matt said again, in that same tone.

"Matt, did I ever tell you how much I love you?"It was T.K.

"Whoah, there, little boy.Don't get all fruity on me now," Matt responded somewhat lackadaisically.

Suddenly the sounds of some light music came through the door."Hey, hey wait!Everyone, shut up!They're playing my favorite song!" Tai said.

"Oh yes," Matt said.

"Shut up," Tai complained.

A pause.

"Bum-bum bum-bum…" T.K. started.

"Shut up, shut up!I'm trying to listen!" Tai said.

Kari took a step back from the doorway and frowned.Something strange was going on inside.She sniffed the air.There was a funny smell coming from behind the door.Was that smoke coming from the crack under the door?No, it couldn't be.

"What's the matter, Kari?" Gatomon called.

"Tai's up to something."

She held her chin in thought."It looks like I'm going to have to go in."She knocked on the door loudly."Tai!Open up!"

There was no response.The giggles continued.

"Hey Tai!" Joe called."I can see your sister Kari through the wall!"

"No way!" Sora said."I was just looking at the lamp when it started to talk like Kari!"

Knocking louder, Kari threatened, "Don't make me come in there!"

"Hey lamp, do you know my friend Kari?" Sora asked."Or are you actually Kari?"

"I'm wearing my fur, yet I feel…so cool and breezy," Gabumon said slowly.

"This is your last warning Tai!" Kari called.

"Since when did you learn to digivolve, T. K.?" Patomon asked.

"I am Wargreymon!" T. K. shouted."I am unstoppable!"

"Hey Agumon," Tai said, pausing to chuckle."It's you."

"Whoah," Agumon responded."I'm seeing a copy of myself!"

"I'm going to count to three Tai!"

"Geez.I'm pretty hungry," Izzy said.

"Anyone have any food?" Joe asked.

"All right!Chocolate bars!" Tai shouted.

"One!"

"Man, I could eat a horse!"

"Two!"

"Or would the horse eat you?" Sora asked.

"Two and a half!"

"Such a deep and philosophical question," Izzy rambled.

"Oh yes," Matt said.

"Three!"

Kari shoved her weight against the door, which gave easily.It startled her, so she plunged headlong into the room.She coughed loudly.A whole cloud of smoke covered the room, but the gang seemed oblivious to it.In fact, most of them were just sitting with blank faces.Joe was staring at the wall and unmoving.Izzy was looking at his hands as if he'd never seen them before, poking and prodding them experimentally.Sora stared into nothingness, occasionally flapping her arms.Agumon continued to stare at his claws.T.K. shouted, "Terra Force!" and began to spin in circles before collapsing to the floor.Matt leaned back, "Oh yes."

"Whoah!" Tai shouted."I thought I heard Kari."

"I'm right here Tai!" Kari said, fanning the smoke away.

"It's like she's right next to me!"

Kari leaned down to where Tai sat on the floor."I'm right here."

Tai's face was blank for a moment, then he noticed Kari's face hovering in front of his, and slowly, a smile of recognition spread across his face."Hey Kari," he drawled."When did you get here?"

"O.K., Tai.You've got some explaining to do."

"Explain what?"

Kari coughed, dragging Tai out of the room and all the way to the kitchen.She sat him down on a chair."What the heck is going on in there?"

Tai sat, staring at her and not responding."Tai?" she asked.She snapped her fingers a few times quickly in front of his eyes.Tai blinked and shook his head in a daze."Woah, slow down."He rubbed his eyes.

"Does mom know you're doing this?"

"Who?"

"Don't play stupid with me."

"Alright, alright.No, she doesn't."

"Well, I'll let you go this time, but next time…"

"Okay, okay, I get the point," Tai said.

"Good.Now out."Kari pointed to his room."Everyone and every_thing_."

Tai sighed and walked to his room dejected.

Kari watched him leave and shook her head.She walked into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror.Why did she have to put up with all of this?It was like being a parent, without the privileges of age.She couldn't put up with it._Damn_, she thought._Why does he have to be so difficult?_

She closed and locked the door, taking another look at herself.Sighing, she opened a drawer and removed a pouch.Unzipping the pouch, she withdrew two long, slender objects.Pulling up her sleeve, she shot herself up with a good dose of heroin—the expensive kind, mind you.She sighed and sat on the floor as the stress flowed away from her.

Outside, the loud sounds of Tai shooing everyone away dominated the apartment, but Kari didn't hear them.She smiled to herself in bliss, relieved of all worldly stress.When she began to feel her body again—a slight tingling at first—she reached for the second needle and took a second shot.

She was swimming in water, only she could breathe, too.Shooting upwards, she drifted into the sky, strangely colorless, and felt the coldness all over her.It was comforting and soothing, wrapping her like some blanket on a winter evening.She would've went to sleep forever, had there not been this persistent knocking sound.It grew louder and louder until suddenly, she woke up.

Kari stared at the cabinet doors under the sink, realizing that she was back in the real world._Damn_, she cursed to herself._Why does he have to be so loud?_She put her things away back into the pouch, which went back into the drawer, and exited the bathroom.Tai had finally managed to get everyone out, and was acting kind of grumpy.Agumon was sitting on the couch and silently staring forward as Gatomon stared curiously into his eyes.

"Hey Kari," Gatomon called. "Watch this."

Gatomon darted back and forth in Agumon's field of vision.First left and right, then back and forth.Agumon blinked slowly, complaining plaintively, "Hey, stop that."Then Gatomon put one claw behind each of his ears and began to make scratching sounds on both sides of his head, alternating quickly.Agumon shook his head dazed, and fell backwards.Gatomon rolled on the floor in laughter.

Kari grunted, she was feeling in a bad mood."Yeah, that's nice," she dismissed.She glared at Tai, who quickly retreated to his room.Searching her pockets, she called, "Gatomon, where's my lighter?"


End file.
